Do you frequently find that despite following the instructions of the lady in your life, you still manage to get it wrong? Do you often find yourself confused by the things your crush says on LOVOO and the reality that follows?
Well, Christmas just came early for you friend, because I’m here to act as your official translator with the quintessential guide to understanding girls*.
WSAM = What She Actually Means
1. She says: “I’m on LOVOO to meet new people, then we can see what happens, maybe I’ll make some new friends!”
WSAM: “I’m on LOVOO searching for a new boyfriend, and before the first date happens I will totally be picturing our holidays, anniversaries and babies together”
2. She says: “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes, I’m just throwing on some clothes and I’m off out the door”
WSAM: “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR, I SCREWED UP MY EYELINER AGAIN, I’M WATCHING THE SEASON FINALE OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK AND I STILL NEED TO IRON MY SILK DRESS. BUT IF YOU DARE RUSH ME, I WILL F**K YOU UP, BRO.”
3. She says: “Is it cold? Should I take a jacket with me?”
WSAM: “After a 5 minute argument in which you will beg me to take a jacket, I’ll go out wearing just a tank top, then I’ll shiver until you give me your coat and you will freeze”
4. She says: “I’m tired of so much junk food, lets just have something healthy”
WSAM: “Please have a salad so I don’t have to watch you tearing into a delicious pizza and end up buying one on my way home and eating it in bed alone”
5. She says: “Right now I am really enjoying being single, I don’t have time for a relationship”
WSAM: “I have been praying every night, and I even paid for a voodoo witch to cast me a boyfriend spell”
6. She says: “Wanna split a dessert?”
WSAM: “If you dare take more than one spoonful, I will make you miserable for the rest of your life”
7. She says: “Is something bothering you? Are you okay?”
WSAM: “I went through your phone, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, e-mail and Pinterest. There is nowhere to hide. I know it all.”
8. She says: “Anyways, I don’t want anything serious with you. Like, really let’s just keep it simple and have fun”
WSAM: “You are the love of my life”
9. She says: “I didn’t have time to eat anything all day”
WSAM: “I haven’t taken a bite all day. This is the first thing I’m eating… after deep-throating that box of macarons in the morning”
*Not guaranteed to work, women are very complex.